she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
