he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
