This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
