Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
