Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
