So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Randomize
