I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
