I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
