My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
