Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
