At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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