I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
