everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
