The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
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