I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Sorry about my life...
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
