Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Randomize
