Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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