and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
