This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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