I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
