I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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