You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
