i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
