Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
