If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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