My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
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