I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I need to stop coming to work sober
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
