Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
