just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
