So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
