now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
