Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
