Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
