Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
