Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
