i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
