Kiss
Puke
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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