Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
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