I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
