I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Randomize
