I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
