Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
She made me pour olive oil on her.
how does that bad decision feel?
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