Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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