You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
