We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
