Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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