My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
