I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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