Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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