Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
