Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
