Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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