im having a threesome with these popsicles
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
